i think my tv is drunk
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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