Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
