dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
