The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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