what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
