Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
