There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
