There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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