Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
