but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
