I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
