I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
