She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just gift wrapped bread.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
