even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize