Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
