we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
