her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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