No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
