took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
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