Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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