We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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