If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Randomize