What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
