Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
