Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
