"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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