you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
