somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize