She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
