That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
