he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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