i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize