since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
