If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
