I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
