You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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