Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
