The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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