Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
