No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
