Please, let me fuck your mom
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
