I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
