Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
