he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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