New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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