problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
