hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize