So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
