It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Randomize
