these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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