are you still at the devil's house?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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