I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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