I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
