We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
