Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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