I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
