you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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