I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Randomize
