doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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