Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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