I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
