you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
