I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
