now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize