I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
