she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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