So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
