I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I would fuck him just for his dog
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